25 April, 2012

When I Died


Reaching the Judgment Day,
I knew it was time to answer
the Lord stood before me glancing
decided she was, but chose to play

She welcomed me to doors white high
and stood smiling without a word
I believed she wanted me to speak
but my reflection was not yet done

‘You think about your life,’ she said
‘All your life you’ve thought
leave the comfort of reminiscence
even in death you cannot.’

I stood there, aghast
she knew what I thought
But she was the omniscient
foolish of me to consider she could not

‘You lived a good life
yet remained dissatisfied
you planned and planned and thought of your tomorrow
you thought of the past which gave you sorrow

Seven billion other mortals
and hundred years as your time
So short to live, so long to waste
yet you don’t understand my design

Your life was too short,
not long was it meant to be
but in your time yourself
you took so seriously

Life is too short,
to take yourself so seriously
Your life and thoughts,
are nothing to the further eternity

Your life was meant, to cherish the time you had
to spread love and care and affection and warmth
to dance in the rain and learn in the shade
to appreciate what beauty and wonder I had made

Instead you engrossed
in complex worry and fear
while I made you so simple
why did you become so real?

You needn’t go for riches and fame
no one cared from which hand you ate
no one remembered, what you called your “embarrassing moments”
who would remember, who you were or what you became?

Your life had none of these aims
yet to petite acceptance you gave yourself away
You were my masterpiece, away from the jungle laws
but your own laws you created, and in your laws you got caught’

I looked at her, feeling subdued
a little tear from my eye now poured
indeed I wasted my thoughts, all my life
I could be so much, but only if before I’d realised…

‘You spent too much precious time
Gloating over your past
and even more time
planning what would eventually come

Your time both past and future
were what you lived in
Were you not aware that past does not return
and the future, will invariably come?

Time works mysteriously
you don’t know what it holds
Yesterday, you planned for the days to come
today, to stand before me, looking at your life undone

You needn’t have worried about your future
it would, inevitably come
You missed my biggest gift; I gave you time
you just forgot your present life’

I stood there, now filled with regret
If only, I’d known this then
but now she was speaking and I was dead
I asked her why didn’t this before she had said

‘What mean that this before I hadn’t said
I said all this when you were a child
you used to listen to me then
but slowly with time adulthood came

As your playthings became bigger
you drowned my song by the noise
sometimes I would shout out and it would pain you
so you drowned me more with hatred and poise

You didn’t hate me,
it was yourself you loathed
For you knew I was right
but you didn’t have the strength to accept it

Throughout your life, I called you out
every day, I reminded you didn’t I?
I was the dying voice of your inner self
That’s where I reside, and that’s where I died

You didn’t die alone when you lay
you killed me with your self
with your failure in life, I died too
I stand here in sorrow, and not to play with you

I talked with you within you
but you never cared to listen
Too comfortable in your life you were
everytime I screamed, I was ignored

The inner voice you fail to hear
yet you choose every sound in the world
Is it my fault that even when I’m there with you
you choose to live completely alone?’

I knew now where she was
I collapsed on the clouds below
Her anger was just, but not complete
She went on with her discourse

‘In life you never heard me
that’s why I speak to you now
for in death you realize
your life was incomplete and shallow

I was always with you
yet you dreaded walking alone
You accepted the dead customs of society
to be accepted by whom you dislike

You chose the roads of your peers
and reached the destinations they couldn’t
But it was not your path to begin with
So how could you have their end?

I wrote your destiny different,
but you chose to be one among the herd
I wished for your greatness
but you wished to be mingled in the crowd

Too afraid you were, to walk the path you thought right
too frightened to claim, what was your right
Now you seek answers, useless for your dead being
you could have found them, had you walked your line

Lonesome journey it would have been
but you’d have been closer to me
Close to me, like you are now
but you delayed, and chose misery

You could’ve walked a glorious path
and live a life satisfied
but you chose to forbid the path alone
and now before me you cry.’

Every word she spoke was true,
but it killed what of me was alive
I knew she wouldn’t stop and I needed her to go on
for this was my penance and my remorse

‘You knew every word I speak is right
you knew this in death and in life
you chose to hide your self from yourself
dishonest you were with your time

Your mortality was challenged all the time
yet you chose to remain in debt
Indebted you died from the few who cared
and never will they know what you held inside

You knew this day would come
I told you this every day
But you lived like you had an eternity to live
and the same ignorant fool you have died

You were loved by many
more than most people have in their time
You had a caring mother and a loving wife
never will they know the story from your side

Never now will they hear,
that you loved them so
Mourn for you they will
but less than what you deserve

Your legacy could have been great
had only you spread love
had only you told them once
their life meant more to you than yours

But never had you found time
never moments to express your love
never you thought you couldn’t
say this to them again

You died dissatisfied,
they were left ignorant
you weep here for they are alive
and they mourn for you have died

You could’ve died earlier
when a drunk truck had passed you by
or the ground would have shaken
or the sky showed aggression

The ship you mounted on 2 years ago
had a bore no one knew
I help the craft for you to live
hoping you’d make use of your time

Alas! You chose to ignore every day
as your celebration of life
your dues kept on piling
and now in debt you have died

Preparing for your death
was the motive of life
for life was nothing but a journey
before the adventure of death arrived

You took live to be everything
and now before me you cry
you neither paid your dues nor realised
your mortality was challenged all the time.’

Vishal Gupta
April 11th, 2012
IIT Kharagpur